Wait... Was That My Mom's Voice?

noirpoised
3 days ago
4 min read

Ever catch yourself parenting like your parents? Ruth & Sam unpack cultural habits and finding your own rhythm in modern parenting.

By Ruth & Sam — NoirPoised Podcast

Sometimes when you look in the mirror, you see a parent instead of yourself.

When You Swear You’ll Parent Differently... Then Don’t

Have you ever opened your mouth mid-argument with your kid and thought, “Oh no... that sounded just like my mom”?

That was Ruth and Sam’s moment of realization — that strange, humbling pause where you realize you’ve become an echo of the very parenting you once promised to outgrow.

Because sometimes healing means seeing the you that still lives in your parents. And sometimes, it’s about catching yourself before that voice becomes your child’s inner one.

Cultural Echoes: The Haitian Way Meets Millennial Parenting

Ruth laughs about it now, but there’s truth beneath her humor:

“We’re Haitians — Haitians feed babies real food way before six months! They think you’re starving your kid if you don’t.”

Sam remembers the chorus of aunties at every gathering asking, “The baby had water yet?” — no matter how many times he explained what doctors recommended.

Cultural habits run deep, especially when they come dressed as tradition. They carry love, pride, and a quiet insistence that the old way worked.

But as Ruth puts it:

“Just because it’s tradition doesn’t mean it’s right for my family.”

That’s the tug-of-war of modern parenting — honoring where you came from, while still carving out space for who you’re becoming.

When Your Childhood Shows Up in Your Voice

Sam shares the story of realizing his own childhood had seeped into his fatherhood:

“Our daughter did something small — and before I knew it, I heard my mom’s voice coming out of my mouth. The tone, the look, the whole thing. I wasn’t even wrong for correcting her, but it wasn’t the way I wanted to.”

He paused, apologized later, and sat with the question that haunts every parent trying to do better: Why is it so easy to become what we once resisted?

Ruth nods in understanding.

“It’s what’s normal to you. Even when you know better, your body reacts the way it was trained to — the way you were parented.”

Parenting, it turns out, isn’t just about raising a child. It’s about re-raising yourself.

The Triggers We Inherit

Ruth admits that the behaviors she wasn’t allowed to have as a child are the ones that still irritate her most as a mom.

“Crying, whining, repeating — it all annoys me more than it should. Because growing up, that wasn’t tolerated. So now, even when I want to be patient, that part of me still flares up.”

It’s generational muscle memory — the way unspoken rules become reflexes. And yet, noticing that reflex is the first sign you’re rewriting it.

The Mini-Mirror Effect

Sam recalls the moment their daughter scolded her toy bike:

“She told it, ‘If you don’t listen, I’m leaving you right here!’”

He laughs, but the humor fades quickly.

“That’s me. That’s literally what I say to her. Watching it was like holding up a mirror.”

Kids don’t copy what we say — they copy how we are. And if that reflection makes you cringe, that’s not failure. That’s feedback.

Parenting, Sam says, “is like watching your own habits walk around in tiny sneakers.”

Doing Better Isn’t About Doing It All Differently

Sam shares a stat: About 74% of millennial parents believe they’re doing better than their parents did.Ruth isn’t so sure that’s the right benchmark.

“Doing better doesn’t mean doing it differently. It means being aware.”

She explains that real progress isn’t in rejecting the old — it’s in being present enough to know when to keep it, when to break it, and when to rebuild it.

Because every child, like every generation, needs something a little different to grow.

Tradition vs. Truth: Navigating Family Pressure

The hardest part? The chorus of voices telling you you’re doing it wrong.

Ruth describes it well:

“If I cave on the small stuff, they’ll expect me to cave on the big stuff. So I stay consistent. I explain my why. And for the people who matter — I make sure they understand it comes from love, not defiance.”

That’s the tightrope walk of millennial and Gen X parenting — staying true to yourself without severing the ties that shaped you.

Faith, food, discipline, respect — they all come wrapped in generations of “this is how it’s done.” But as Ruth says,

“If following tradition costs me peace, I’m not doing it.”

Because the goal isn’t rebellion — it’s alignment.

The Parenting Remix

The truth is, every parent hears their mom or dad’s voice sometimes. But awareness turns repetition into remix.

Ruth sums it up perfectly:

“Be what you want to see in them.”

Because children don’t need us to be perfect.They just need us to be present enough to notice when we’re not.

🎧 Listen to the full conversation — Episode 69: “Wait... Was That My Mom’s Voice?”

Available now on YouTube and all podcast platforms.